Pot Culture – Volume 6: Super Medicine!

    Superheroes and villains put their bodies, brains, and emotions through the ringer constantly. So, is there a possibility that some of them could benefit from medicinal marijuana? Damn straight.

Cyclops from the X-MenScreen Shot 2019-08-19 at 8.15.05 AM

     Okay, so I don’t actually know what the fuck is going on with dude’s eyes, but I’m assuming it’s basically the same as glaucoma. Glaucoma, as you may or may not know, is apparently Latin for, “a very cliched joke/reason that people in movies & tv shows have used to “justify” their marijuana usage.” But it’s also a medical condition that causes damage to the eye’s optic nerve that gets worse over time. It can possibly even lead to blindness (https://www.webmd.com/eye-health/glaucoma-eyes#1). Marijuana helps with glaucoma because it can lower eye pressure (https://www.verywellhealth.com/marijuana-and-glaucoma-3421696). And seeing as how Cyclops has lasers constantly about to shoot from his eyes, I’d say they’re under quite a bit of pressure. So, instead of Cyclops always being that “cool guy” that wears sunglasses inside, he should medicinally partake in some leafy therapy.

ANT-MAN from The AvengersScreen Shot 2019-08-19 at 8.16.17 AM.png

     Ant-Man is constantly shrinking himself to the size of an ant. He also sometimes grows himself to a gigantic stature (just like he grows as a person, aww. Character development has now entered the chat). Those sorts of extreme back and forth growth spurts can’t be easy on the body. CBD can help relieve pain and reduce inflammation (https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319796.php). Clearly Ant-Man needs to medicate with the plant, man. He has an unfortunate future of severe arthritis ahead of him.

Spider-Man From The Avengers and etc.Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 8.17.34 AM.png

    I mean, he’s in love with someone named MJ. In the comics, her name was actually Mary-Jane. It would be easy for him to tell Aunt May that he loves “MJ” and he’s just going out to hang out with “MJ” and not get caught. Plus, he’s a teenager, and I’ve watched “Euphoria.” Doing marijuana would be the least dangerous or rebellious thing that apparently every teenager does these days. Plus, his life is about to get even more stressful after the events of his latest film, he’s gonna need a way to destress and relax without being under the power of Big Pharma. Studies show that cannabis can help give short-term relief of stress, anxiety, and depression (https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2018/04/180419100110.htm).

Thor from The AvengersScreen Shot 2019-08-19 at 8.19.20 AM.png

      As is made quite clear in AVENGERS ENDGAME, Thor is suffering from some hardcore PTSD. To be fair, most of the surviving heroes and civilians have some form of PTSD and/or Survivor’s Guilt, so the remainder of the population after Thanos’ Snap could benefit from the healing effects of cannabis. But Thor was hit hard. He became an angry, self-hating, overweight alcoholic. His PTSD was kicking his ass like it was named Thor and he was some lowly villain. People with PTSD that medicate with marijuana are less likely to suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts than those that don’t medicate with it (https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-medicinal-cannabis-use-can-help-mitigate-symptoms-of-ptsd-study-says/). Also, once his PTSD has improved, him and Korg can use medicinal marijuana to help them through their all-night gaming sessions.

Thanos from SpaceScreen Shot 2019-08-19 at 8.20.03 AM.png

     Okay, so in a way, I understand where Thanos is coming from. He feels the universe needs balance, and that he’s the only one strong and ballsy enough to do whatever it takes to bring that balance. But seriously, the dude needs to calm down. When the “greater good” causes the genocide of half the UNIVERSE’S population, then maybe it’s time to chill and rethink your plan a bit. Thanos needs to just partake in some pot puffery and contemplate the existential repercussions of his plan. There’s a chance that the medicinal pot could help him focus on his goals and be more motivated – but that could just cause him to remember that he probably has months of laundry that needs to be done, so he might as well do it now (https://mashable.com/article/does-weed-help-you-focus/). Make love, not war. Thanos would hate the message of hippies, which is why he should’ve smoked a mile in their shoes and learned about peace and harmony.

Deadpool From The X-Men kinda…Screen Shot 2019-08-19 at 8.20.56 AM.png

     Deadpool has an inoperable brain tumor. Medicinal marijuana can help with pain relief, as well as to reduce nausea and vomiting that can be caused by the other harsh treatments, and it can help to increase appetite (which is severely affected by the other treatments) (https://academic.oup.com/nop/article/4/3/151/2918616). But, he has regenerative/healing powers, which means the high/effect might not last long. So, he would have to keep partaking, nonstop, forever. This would increase business for the marijuana industry, thus bringing in more tax dollars and creating more jobs. Also, he’s probably the only superhero that could get away with smoking pot in a film.

     Not all heroes wear capes, but most should use medicinal marijuana because they deserve to be happy too, Karen!

 

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