Did you know that you don’t have to smoke marijuana to benefit from marijuana?

Okay, so of course there’s vaping. Almost everyone and their dog has a vape pen. I’m gonna talk about other, non-vaping ways. Vaping hasn’t been around long enough to know if it really is helping our bodies or doing severe, long-term damage to them.

Plus, what exactly IS a vape pen? I tried writing this article with a vape pen, and the paper kept taking a nap…

So this article will discuss beneficial ways to take your medicine that doesn’t include inhalation in any way… well, you should probably still inhale oxygen. Unless you’re a fish or Aquaman… wait, does Aquaman breathe air or water? Where are his gills? Do fish actually breathe water? This is gonna bother me for a while…

You actually only get a small percentage of medicine through the smokery aspect of cannabis. But with oils, the extraction method can isolate specific cannabinoids like THC and CBD up to 99%.

One method of injecting oils is by taking it under your tongue.

And there are numerous other cannabis-infused products that will medicate you better than any sort of smoking or vaping.

Not to sound like an asshole, but cannabis suppositories are a real thing. And they can be highly effective – just don’t stick them in your pipe and try to smoke them.

They can actually deliver up to 80% of cannabis’ medicinal benefits (oral consumption delivers only 35% or so and smoking only delivers 15%, a coughing fit, and probably a pizza).

It’s absorbed into the bloodstream at a much higher rate. And it can be 2 to 4 times more effective than oral (there’s a sex joke in there somewhere)  (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8897084).

Just don’t try sitting on your bong…again.

Also, for all you lucky folks that have vaginas, there are cannabis-infused vaginal suppositories. Similarly, their medicinal benefits are absorbed in a much higher rate. Plus, they won’t cause your vagina to hallucinate. And a hallucinating vagina is a dangerous thing.

They are supposed to help with menstrual cramps by maximizing the muscle relaxing and pain relieving aspects of cannabis (https://www.google.ca/amp/people.com/bodies/marijuana-vaginal-suppositories-to-relieve-menstrual-cramps-are-they-safe/amp/).

But just because something works for one person, it may not work for another.

And you should DEFINITELY check with your doctor before sticking cannabis-infused suppositories (and anything else basically) up your vagina.

You should also probably check if you actually have a vagina because otherwise, your doctor will give you that weird side-eye stare that they’re so good at.

Speaking of vaginas, there are also edibles (I should probably apologize for that joke/segue…).

Basically, anything you cook with oil or butter can be cannabis-infused. So now you can have a much calmer holiday gathering with your racist relatives that have MAGA Santa hats on.

People need to eat. And a tasty feast is an enjoyable and fantastic way to take your medicine.

Hopefully, the Food Network starts a cannabis-infused cooking show soon.

But be careful. Because our bodies have this weird thing called “digestion”, it will take longer for the effects of the medicine to kick in. Just because you don’t feel it right away, it doesn’t mean you should immediately go for seconds and thirds. Moderation and patience are always key.

But if you’re interested, here are some worthwhile recipes to check out:

https://herb.co/marijuana-recipes/

There are also cannabis-infused topical creams available that are supposed to be pain relievers. Do they work? That depends entirely on who you ask. Once again, it’s worth checking with your doctor and then doing your research to see what’s available, what’s in it, and what it’s supposed to achieve. Skin can be stubborn and randomly have reactions to all sorts of miscellaneous things. So even if you try some, start with a small spot as a test and go from there.

There is also cannabis-infused juice…

And there are many other avenues of approach to medicinal consumption. But just know that smoking and vaping aren’t your only choices (they’re also the least healthy and effective).

Talk to your doctor about nausea (medicinal marijuana can then help the two of you with nausea) and do as much research as possible. Get opinions of professionals as well as different people that have tried certain methods. Be careful. Be smart. Be healthy.